Thursday, March 17, 2005
Well, this being my very first blog - and being totally unsure of just what I'm doing - it may be short & sweet. I decided to create a blog after reading one posted by a wonderfully talented young lady in my family tree - which I'll tell you about at some point ... I think the tree is one of those old, gnarled, funky things - and I thought, "What a great way to leave a family 'diary' for my grandchildren!" It will give me the chance to share my thoughts, my wishes & dreams, and for what it's worth, my history.
I have the sneaky suspicion that the internet will be around long after I'm gone ... maybe someday my grandchildren will seach the web and find this. And if they do, I apologize in advance! If you were curious enough to find it, I'm hoping you'll be curious enough to read it!
So ... my grandchildren.
Actually at the moment, it's grandchild as the second one isn't physically here yet but is due to arrive June 1st. My grandchild is a 19-1/2 month old beautiful, smart, happy little girl named Sasha Riley. Of course, being the proud grandmother I am allowed to brag and say the she is the perfect child (the "Proud Grandmother Law" is a real law, I'm sure. And if it isn't, it should be!). That in itself actually pisses me off because I always wanted my daughter to have a child just like she was. In fact, I remember the exact conversation after she had done something outrageous (which in our family was considered normal):
Michelle: "I never want children!"
Me: "You will eventually. And I hope you have one just like you. In fact I hope you have TEN just like you!"
Michelle: "Oh, mom ... that is really sick!"
Well, as it turned out she didn't. She had that perfect little cherub. Maybe the next one will be like her. A grandmother can only hope ... can't she?
Posted at 11:17 am by Cascokat
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
I Must be Loosing My Mind
Or it's just one of those 'Senior Moments' people keep referring to. Fifteen minutes ago, I had a really great topic for today's blog and now, fifteen minutes later, I don't remember what it was! Of course, the thought came before I had my coffee so I suppose I can blame it on still being unconscious. I generally wake up in the morning with a thousand thoughts running through my head, everything from "get off my head, Chance" to "oh, crap I've really gotta do laundry today" to "Is it too early to call Michelle? Oh yeah, 3:00 a.m. would be a little early." Once my feet hit the floor, the mind goes blank and by the time I get downstairs to the coffee pot, all I'm thinking is "breathe in. breathe out. breathe in. breathe out." Whoever invented coffee should be given a Nobel prize. Doesn't matter which one.
Finally got an email from the attorneys in California and they're getting the final petition together for the probate (yea!). They just need a full accounting from me for the estate account - which should take me about 10 minutes today, since there hasn't been much done with it. Of course the bounced check from the trust is going to put a slight snag in the timing but it shouldn't be too bad (poor Amy. She really has a lot on her plate). It's going to be so nice to have this part behind me!
Stephanie has a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning in Lewiston (don't ask ... I don't know. Never been there. Tomorrow will be a first) for a colonoscopy. Obviously, she is not looking forward to it! She's on a liquid diet today (and no, Steph - I don't think vodka is included as a clear liquid on the 'clear liquid diet list' - sorry). She's already informed me that I have to take her directly to a restaurant after the procedure. Wonder what restaurants are in Lewiston? I'm willing to bet they'll have fried haddock!
Well, my senior moment is still in effect. I don't have a clue what the great topic was going to be. So I'll go jump in the shower, clear my head and hopefully, the cobwebs will dissipate. We'll see!
Posted at 08:16 am by Cascokat
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Loves of my life and other things
Have I ever mentioned what a great person my daughter is? I was thinking about that earlier and just wanted to say it ... Michelle is beautiful, smart, feisty, gentle, giving, a wonderful mother and above all, even with the ups & downs she's had, a survivor. When she was little, I was so afraid of something happening to her. I'm sure that's every mother's greatest fear and for some, their greatest heartbrake. I can't imagine what parents go through when a child is lost, when a child dies. The thought alone is almost paralyzing. I can't even imagine the reality. When Stan's son died, I read a saying that struck a chord:
"When you loose a parent, you've lost the past;
When you loose a sibling, you've lost the present;
When you loose a child, you've lost the future."
Children are the future. And I see good things for Michelle's children, with all the love and nurturing any child could ever want. Sasha and Jordan will never know the feelings of rejection or resentment or anger towards their parents, if Michelle and Randy go through the life of those girls the way they have begun it. A lifetime filled with love. Wow. What a concept!
Speaking of Jordan, Michelle told me they finally came up with a middle name ... Kennedy! Took a few days for it to really go together for me, but now I really like it! Kind of rolls off the tongue ... Jordan Kennedy. Yup. I like it. Of course, now they'll probably change their minds and I'll have to get the tongue rolling in another direction. But I need excercise anyway.
The other love of my life, Tom, called last night very depressed and lonely. He's going to Albuquerque today for business and wants to take a side trip to Santa Fe to check it out. I told him to think positive, it's not going to be that much longer. The sooner he gets to Manassas, the sooner we can see each other and start planning the "us" part of this future thing. The more I think about it, the more the idea appeals to me, living in Santa Fe. I've only been there once but it's really a nice town. Some wonderful art galleries (Tom's comment on that was something to the effect of "oh, crap. I'm in trouble."), lots of incredible sculptures and artwork. Just my kind of place! I still don't know what we'd do as far as work but that's one of the reasons he took the Manassas job. Save everything up and add to the nestegg so we don't have to worry about it right away. Having a little shop or boutique of some kind would be pretty cool, if the town & tourist population would support it. I certainly don't want to get into another situation where it's seasonally dependent - unless the 'season' is 52 weeks a year! Homework. That's the key. Do your homework! (are you listening, Sasha & Jordan?)
About time to go get ready so I can take Steph in for her butt-reaming (gives that phrase a whole new meaning!) and check out the town of Lewiston. Looks like I'll have about 3 hours to amuse myself while she's getting this thing done and I have no idea what there is to do ... guess I'll find out! Somehow, I have a feeling it won't take me 3 hours to do that, though. Maybe I'll take a book. That way, after I check out the town, I can sit in the parking lot and read. Should have about 2-1/5 hours for that!
Posted at 07:40 am by Cascokat
Friday, April 15, 2005
Confusion is so confusing!
I mean, sometimes I just have to ask myself "why do we create these situations that are so confusing and then get all confused trying to figure out what the confusion is all about?" Oh, I'm so confused!
Actually, it all started when I started thinking about this moving situation. I already know that Tom is not going to be happy anywhere away from Dallas - he's going to worry about Uncle Jerry, he's going to worry about Bobby & Dixie, he's going to worry about Michael and he's not going to be able to find a group he likes as much as Odette - so why ... why ... are we even thinking about moving to anyplace else?
I know he's doing it for me because I said a long time ago that I have no desire to live in Dallas. But aren't there other towns around there? I mean, we don't have to live "IN" Dallas, do we? And Dallas doesn't really sound all that bad now, to be truthful. It's not that far away from Vegas (what, couple hours by air?)
And I know there are direct flights, none of this changing planes in some huge, confusing airport and running from one terminal to the other or worrying about weather delays and spending the night in some huge confusing airport so you can catch the first flight out the next morning - weather permitting).
We have no idea what the job situation is in Santa Fe or anyplace else for that matter; the cost of living in Dallas is still reasonable; yes, it gets hot but, hey, isn't that why someone invented air conditioning? It gets cold in Maine, but that's why someone invented heating!
I guess I'm trying to do a mental 'plus' and 'minus' for where to move and since we can't make it the California coast, at least not right away, it seems that Dallas is winning out. At least it's on the right side of the country. And if that Bush guy moves to New York or someplace (like Iraq), maybe I can work on converting Tom to the right (left) side of the fence. He's actually come around some in the last few years. Helps that one of his friends, and his son, are big left-wingers! He gets pressure from all sides!
Besides, Michelle is having a tough time right now and mom needs to be closer. I try not to say too much about some of the problems in her marriage but sometimes it's just good to have a shoulder to cry on.
I hate seeing her un-happy (as every parent does when it's their child) but sometimes, things have to be worked out without parental intervention. Randy can be such a butt-head sometimes and in truth, Michelle can be a real bitch sometimes, and when you get both of those attributes going at the same time, things can get a little ugly.
Of course, that's when mom just steps back and says "Hey, not even going there!" Right now she's got raging hormones and he's got raging mid-life bullshit (not sure how 34 can be mid-life, but who am I to question the aging process?) so some of the things he pulls really tug at her hormonal balance, she gets angry and defensive and lashes out at him.
Hopefully, after Jordan is born and she gets the hormones back in check, plus a little extra help from the old drug companies, the whole situation will look different to her. I just feel they both need to do whatever they can to hold that marriage together. Divorce is never fun and when you're talking about raising children, it gets even less fun! They both need to learn to communicate, to share, to trust; quit with the b.s. and get on with living and loving and raising those two little girls. Together. Damnit.
Wow. Guess my intellectual, thinking side is active this morning!
So much for the emotional, sappy side, huh?
Posted at 08:51 am by Cascokat
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Now I'm really confused! I told Tom last night that I'd been thinking (yeah, his response was "Uh-oh. Okay, lay it one me." Why do people dread the worst?) and when I told him about living in Dallas, his response was, "Well, I haven't thought about that. No, I'm not worried about Bobby or Michael ... they're both grown and on their own ... and I can't hold Uncle Jerry's hand all the time. And I've been thinking about finding another group."
Then, I got a phone call from Michelle and it seems that Randy and Sholmo are looking for property to buy in - guess where - Dallas! I told her to have them buy Tom's house, gave her the website with pictures and everything (it's really a very nice house, just too big and too expensive for the two of us). Wouldn't that be nice! Kill two birds with one stone, so to speak. They get property in Dallas and Tom gets out from under that house. Probably won't happen but it's nice to think about. Oh, well.
So there's not a lot going on today. The weather is actually supposed to be really nice for the next few days (up to 75 on Tuesday! Whoo-hoo!) so I'll try to spend a little time outdoors, instead of in front of this computer.
Oh yeah, Steph's test went just fine, no problems. She was a little groggy for the rest of the day and slept until Survivor came on. I dunno ... I've never had one of those things done but I can imagine it's not fun having a battering ram pushed up there. Of course it helps that you're knocked out for it, but still. They had people coming and going in that place, too, so I guess it can't be all that bad. Nobody came out looking like they wished they were in someplace more comfortable - like a medival torture chamber or a dentist chair with no pain killers - and some of them were actually smiling! Scary. Maybe it was the thought of being able to eat after 36 hours of nothing. I guess that would make me smile, too.
Well, as you can tell, it's a pretty boring blog today. I guess that's going to happen occasionally. Now I think I'll go look for houses in Dallas ... or somewhere.
Posted at 08:12 am by Cascokat
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Oh, the sunshine is still here, yesterday was beautiful - I just didn't see much of it. Started coming down with a really good headache so I layed down for a while. Which turned in to all day! I basically 'lost' yesterday. Everytime I'd wake up, I was SO tired, I just fell back into bed and went back to sleep. And I sure haven't done anything to make me tired so I guess it's the in-activity. I have got to start doing something!
And it's not like there isn't stuff that needs to be done around here ... it's just getting the incentive and energy to do it. There is a smudge of incentive for one chore, however. Our little Houdini cat (Chance) has managed to find a way out of the backyard once more. Of course, he won't do it while we're watching. The yard is fenced with a 5-foot wire fence, gates on both sides, so he's not climbing the fence. The only place we can figure is a space by one of the gates, which has been blocked with wood. He's probably climbing to the top of the wood and then jumping through the gap at the top. He's skinny enough to do that. Thankfully, the other cats are all pretty good size (or very big chickens) and they haven't followed him through. Yet. You would think that being in the Maine woods wouln't be a big deal for cats running around but there are some bad little creatures out there that find cat meat to be a delicacy. And Chance is such a cute little brain-dead-dummy-cat, he thinks he can conquer anything. Or he thinks everybody is his friend. In any case, he has no fear. And strolling up to a wild Maine Coon cat or a bear, well, it's just not gonna be a fair fight. So, the goal today is to cover all gaps in the fence. And if we miss one, believe me ... Chance will find it.
While I was napping yesterday, I had an interesting experience. Steph says I was dreaming. I say I wasn't. It was too real. Too vivid. And I remember it too clearly. Somebody sat on the edge of my bed. Just for a minute. No, it wasn't a cat. It was a person. And I could not open my eyes or say anything. I tried. I tried very hard to open my eyes and I couldn't. But I could 'feel' the person next to me. I could feel the person reaching out to touch my forehead but not quit touching it, just hovering above it. I can't fully explain the feeling I had when it happened, but it was very comforting yet, at the same time, very sad. Even now, I can feel it. It's kind of an empty-heartache-comforting-happy-sadness. I asked Stephanie if she came upstairs while I was asleep and she said she didn't. So who was it? The only person I can think of, with the feeling that I felt, is Natalie. It felt like her. Maybe just letting me know everything is okay? Letting me know she's okay? I don't know. I just know it was very real. Very touching. Very weird. But nice. In a weird way.
Posted at 07:08 am by Cascokat
Monday, April 18, 2005
77 DEGREES! That's what the weather was like yesterday! No rain. No snow. Gentle breezes. Clear blue skies and sunshine. The perfect day.
To top it off, I think we finally out-smarted the brain-damaged-dummy-cat Chance and thwarted his escape routine. Of course we thought we had it all figured out once yesterday morning and a few hours later there he was, wandering out of the woods. We added more wire to the top of the escape hatch and he either couldn't get out that way or he'd had enough exploring for the day. We'll see today, when he goes back outside. If he suddenly appears wandering through the woods, it's back to the drawing board. It's now at a point where I don't know what else we can do ... but the cat is very simple (he sleeps curled up in a 9"x12"x6" cardboard box - when he's not on my head - for cripes sake!), single minded and stubborn, not to mention being able to climb wire fences, leap small buildings and fit through spaces normally meant for small rodents. But we are humans. We have opposible thumbs. We should be able to outsmart him! Right?
It's funny when you're not working, one day just seems to meld into the next and pretty soon you have to think about whether it's a weekday or weekend day.
The only way to tell the difference is that you can't make certain phone calls on weekend days because the real world isn't working.
The strange part is that my mind is still in that workaholic mode, like it's on a real-world working schedule ... I feel like there are things to do because it's Monday. Things you don't do over the weekend because weekends are for rest & relaxation - like I don't have seven days a week for R&R. I don't get it. It's not like there's any difference in the routine. I can look up houses for sale any day of the week. I'm not limited to weekends.
There is nobody looking over my shoulder asking me if I'm wasting company time. Yet, I feel (almost) guilty about 'playing' on the computer, looking up places to live, emailing, blogging, all that stuff that I used to tell employees not to do during working hours because they were wasting company time! I guess it's karma. Or just good old fashioned confusion.
Speaking of the real world, I think it's finally settled into Tom's mind (and mine) that we are really going to live together. He said yesterday that he told Karen (Mike's wife) that we were 'going to do it' and she's thrilled. She's really a very sweet person, as is Mike, and they both think I'm the perfect person for Tom (I'm 'good for him' whatever that means!). And Tom mentioned the living together part a couple of times yesterday so I think we're both finally accepting this as real.
Kinda scary, I'll admit. But I have a certain resolve that I've never had before, in any relationship. It's always been very easy to get out when things aren't working or the problems don't seem to be worth fixing - of course, some of the problems were un-fixable but I'm sure I never tried very hard anyway - and this time around, I'm determined to make things work, problems and all which so far, we don't seem to have but I'm sure there will be situations at some point in the future.
Don't get me wrong, we've had some ups and downs already but I haven't walked away which is a new concept for me ... I've always walked away rather than work through anything ugly. So it's a new feeling for me. More of a commitment than I've ever had before. Kinda makes me feel like this is right. Like it will work out. For a long time. Wow. What a concept.
It's also going to be SO good to be close to my babies! I'd post a new picture of Sasha but I haven't got one lately. Sure would be nice to have new pictures, though (hint, hint).
Oh, speaking of babies, brother Thom called last night and Caressa had the baby Saturday night! Chase Colin, weiging in at 7 pounds something, was delivered by C-section (apparantly some problems but everything is okay now) and everybody is doing fine. Thom & Nancy will probably be going to Vegas in a couple of weeks so it would be nice to have them get together with Michelle & Randy & Sasha. Okay, and their new grandson.
Posted at 08:11 am by Cascokat
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Technology is wonderful. Isn't it???
Sometimes, ignorance is a good thing. When I was pregnant with Michelle, some 30+ years ago, everything was so simple. You went seven months being fat and uncomfortable (okay, normal women did the nine months ... I only did seven), had monthly doctor appointments and then, wham, you popped that little squirming puppy outta there! Sure, the same problems existed but we didn't know about them. There weren't TV shows about Special Delivery babies; The internet didn't exist; The book for having and raising kids was good old Dr. Spock; Ultrasound was a new, and very scary, procedure. Now it's possible to find virtually any information on the subject, including all of the worst things that could possibly happen to you or your baby. Seeing, and reading, some of these things is scary to me as a grandparent. I can't imagine the stress and worry they can induce in the person actually carrying the child! At the same time, the technology today is amazing in the fact that if there is a problem, you don't have to 'wait and see' what the outcome is. For example, Michelle called me yesterday when Steph & I were on our way to New Hampshire for some shopping. Michelle was on her way to the doctor's office because she hadn't felt Jordan move since Saturday (that in itself is scary) and she was having some contractions. They did an ultrasound and everything is fine - naturally, as soon as Michelle had been sitting in the waiting room for a while, Jordan started moving again - but the point is, they could tell that Jordan was fine just by hooking Michelle up to a monitor and doing an ultrasound. In the not so distant past that would not have been possible. It would have been a waiting game and if anything had been wrong inside that little cramped studio apartment, it would have been unknown until delivery day. So I guess there's an upside to progress. Now if someone could just ban all those ugly, sad TV shows ... or insert a 'V Chip" into an expectant mother - and grandmother - so she couldn't watch them. That might work.
Tom is coming up to Maine at the end of the month (oh boy, oh boy!). I spent a few hours online yesterday looking for a reasonable flight for him, since he was in meetings all day and then on his way to Houston for more meetings. Boy, talk about a frustrating, mind-boggeling, exercise in futility (airlines, not meetings)! See if this makes any sense to anybody else, because it sure doesn't to me: Roundtrip from D.C to Maine (or Maine to D.C.) is almost $500 (he's going to be in Manassas this weekend so we figured, hey, just come up here for the weekend); Okay, let's try the following weekend, from Dallas ... Roundtrip from Dallas to Maine, almost $600. So Tom suggested that we meet in Savannah (I love Savannah!) but, nope ... that's $600 each! Now I'm getting very frustrated! What happened to those $300, fly anywhere in the world, some exclusions apply, travel limited to first 2 people to apply, deals? Then, I notice a little box on the website that's for 'Deals.' What have I got to loose, huh? WOW! Dallas to Maine ... $289! The catch? It's a package deal. You have to rent a car. The good news? The price includes the car! How does this work??? You can fly from Dallas to Maine for $600 or you can fly from Dallas to Maine AND have a rental car for $289!! I just don't get it! Needless to say, Tom's renting a car. And he upgraded ... from a compact car to a full-size!
Which reminds me ... I need to make my reservations for Vegas for Jordan's birth-day! Ahhhhhh! Here we go again! This time however, I'm going straight to the "Deals" page. I can rent a car. No problem!
Posted at 07:47 am by Cascokat
Thursday, April 21, 2005
I didn't actually miss a day on my blog ... I had the whole thing written and when I went to post it, the site wasn't available - you know that page, the one you get when the link won't 'link,' when you know it's supposed to 'link' and you know there's nothing wrong with your browser or your settings, that frustrating little 'Unable to Find Page' page and when you go back on your browser, the page you were working on is no longer available either. Yeah, that one. Like I said before, technology is wonderful, isn't it?
There wasn't much of interest in the blog yesterday anyway but here's a quick rundown of what it said: "Tell people you love them everyday because you may not have another chance; Choudini-cat (Chance + Houdini) made another escape and we maybe, finally, blocked his escape route; Planning my next trip to Vegas for Jordan's birth-day (yippee!); Still waiting for new pictures of Sasha (hint-hint); Stephanie loves to work in the yard, I don't, and hopefully I won't have dangerous items flying in my direction while I watch her work; I love you." That's pretty much it, in a nutshell. There was a quote I liked, too: "I tell you I love you everyday because tomorrow is just a possibility, never a certainity." Cool, huh?
So, another day! Tom is flying to Manassas today (more meetings) and I told him he should check out the area while he's there. He should have enough extra time before he flies back to Dallas so he's going to at least look around, see what's available. Since it's only short-term, he was thinking of staying at something like a residence inn but when I checked on-line a couple of weeks ago, those places where over $100 a night! I'm not sure $3,000 a month is very economical ... a small apartment might be cheaper. Especially after you add in airfare to Dallas and Maine which should happen pretty often (she says with a smile). In the meantime, I need to decide just what I'm going to do for the next several months. Do I move to Manassas or wait until the job's over and we find something permanent? Can't see moving furniture and stuff twice, that's for sure! Do I wait and we see each other on weekends whenever we can? Airfare can get expensive, as I've recently discovered. Hmmm, what a dilemma. Guess I'll just play it by ear as the saying goes (always wondered if tone-deaf people have a harder time doing that? Oh wait, I'm tone-deaf!).
Choudini-cat actually stayed in the yard all day yesterday! Ya-Hoo! I think we have solved the problem! At least until he finds another escape hatch somewhere ... and he will. Eventually. At some point, we will be enjoying the sunshine, sitting out on the deck and there he will be, casually strolling out of the woods, not a concern or care in the world. I guess the good part is that he doesn't (usually) take off in the opposite direction when you try to catch him. He comes right up to you, falls against your leg (he doesn't 'rub' ... he 'falls') and does his little "mow" as he throws his head upwards, at which time you pick him up, take him back inside the fence and set him down, all the while saying nice, soft, loving things to him. Why is that when dogs do something like escaping from the yard, you yell at them and when cats do it, you treat them like they've just won the lottery? Don't tell me cats are un-trainable! They have us very well trained!!
Not a lot else going on in the great state of Maine. Waiting for the internet service guy to show up this morning. Steph's wireless connection seems to have finally died. She's had problems with it several times but it's always been repairable. Not this time. Dead. Gone. So it's service time. Hopefully it's a simple fix and she'll back up and running in no time! Also, the guy from the commercial equipment place is supposed to be here today to pick up all that equipment in the kitchen. Steph talked to him while I was on my trip and he's willing to buy everything back from her - at a very reduced rate, of course! I think she should have haggled for more but hey, she's happy with it and that's what counts. And all that stuff will be gone, she'll have a big room to play with, she'll have some money to pay against that loan ... all will be right with the world! Or at least close.
Posted at 08:04 am by Cascokat
Friday, April 22, 2005
I really hate it when reality sneaks up and slaps you upside the head with that ugly little open handed, wet noodle feeling. The kind that leaves your brain tingling for days but you're not quite sure why, it's just a soft, fuzzy, tingling that keeps hitting those little brain receptors up there and try as you might to ignore it, reality continues to slowly seep in and take over until suddenly your eyes pop open and you say something like "Ah, crap." It's true that ignorance is bliss. I've know so many people that go through life without a care in the world, smiling, laughing, going on their merry way and being quite content in their blissful ignorance. You've seen them - they're the ones that trip over the heavy cable laying across the sidewalk, brush themselves off and keep walking without a glance in any direction, totally unaware that the cable is now dis-connected causing a blackout in a 50-story high-rise which in turn causes the guy on the scaffold to fall, hitting the piece of lumber precariously perched on the edge of the building which falls 50-stories to the ground hitting the person that had previously been walking next to the guy that tripped over the cable in the first place who is strolling merrily along, continuing his conversation with thin air, blissfully ignorant that his buddy is no longer walking next to him but is in reality lying on the sidewalk with a 2'x6' board over him, watches the nightly news report on TV later and comments "Poor bastard! I was just talking to him this afternoon!" Ah, yes. Ignorance is bliss. So is avoidance.
It's so much easier to avoid some things in your life rather than look at them, face them head on. Like loosing weight, working out, keeping in shape. Exercise is hard! And when you're young, you don't think about it in a conscious way - you play hard, you work hard, you stay fit and trim. Unfortunately, as you get older, the playing slows down. So does the metabolism. All those young, healthy muscles start getting flabby, you add layers of fat on top of them and pretty soon, wham! Your body starts looking like a very large, de-boned turkey. Where is this heading, you ask ... I had the unfortunate luck of actually looking at my body the other day and I did not like what I saw! Where did my little tight butt go? What is all that flab? Where is my waist? Who is this person and what did you do with my 20 year old body? Okay, I know I'll never have the 20 year old thing again but it would be nice to settle for, I dunno, 40 maybe. The only bright side is that Tom loves my body! I'm sure he'll love it even more if it was in better shape without quite as much flabby stuff. It would be nice to look in the mirror and not cringe at the sight! Unfortunately, I'm afraid that my wishing for it is not going to make it happen. I'm thinking that I may need to take an active role in this little fantasy of mine.
Posted at 06:49 am by Cascokat